Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
