Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
