We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
