just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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