OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
