I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
