she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
