when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so much tequila, so little girl.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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