Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
