I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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