i just wanna soil my oats bro
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
