Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
