I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
