you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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