god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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