why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
