don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
