Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
