dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this boner is exhausting
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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