she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
