I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
