my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
