Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Are my feet made of real feet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
