Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He? As in you personified your dick?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
