I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
