just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
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I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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