I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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