I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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