soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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