We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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