Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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