maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
