you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
