sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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