dude i'm inner monologue high
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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