just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
