here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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