drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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