so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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