Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
