dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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