Dual....:-)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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