Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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