I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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