So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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