the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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