apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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