Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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