I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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