I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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