I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
