Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
