Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
