Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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