So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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