I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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