Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize