You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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