so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
