EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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