so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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