STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
