I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
