your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
