Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
