I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
