i jhust puked up my retainher.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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