They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
