Your favorite bartender is back from prision
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
