me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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