I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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