Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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