Cold hands, warm shart.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
