there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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