quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
