I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
