You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
